Making Sense of Complications

Turning 24 in less than 24 hours: Moving On (my take on the Art of Letting Go) Challenge by Arra Abella of Style Reader. These are snippets of my 23 yo life.

1. On Adulting

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Three days before my birthday, I had to rush myself to the ER cause I was having an allergic reaction to dust. Hives took over my body, I was feeling hot, and my throat started to constrict. I got a shot of Steroids and several antihistamine shots on IV. Now as I type this, I am stuck in the lobby of the place I moved in cause I left my keys inside, waiting for my roommates to come back and save me. My antihistamine meds are starting to take effect, so take a good look because this will probably end in a public fail.

2. Going out and getting 21st-birthday-style drunk

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I am so #blessed to have friends who are like me who make sure

  1. That everyone is having fun;
  2. That no one is being taken advantage of, and;
  3. That everyone gets home safely

Let’s be honest, we have real-world responsibilities now that come with real-world stress. This will always be a good excuse to drink.

BTW A drunk friend is a responsibility, not an opportunity

3. On that ‘Quarter-life Crisis’ Issue

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One of my pet peeves has to be the fact that people blame everything on something else. We tend to make external attributions just so we can get away with shit. WHY? Because this is a lot easier than accepting the fact that you are wrong and blaming it for something that will and can fix us. But what it actually does is shield us from the reality that we are supposed to be facing.

My actions would usually be a reaction to something. WE ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL LOST, but we should be responsible for our actions and what happens after that. We can’t always blame someone or something for the things that we do. We are actually lucky to have the satisfaction of not knowing what the heck we are doing.

Okay, so my issue here is that I’m looking for a challenge. Something that will stimulate my brain, my senses, and my life!! There is nothing wrong with liking to be busy. I like feeling purposeful.

4. My Unread Notifs

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K Fine, there’s more than one.

The number of ways a person can reach and communicate nowadays is overwhelming. I am known among friends to be someone who is particularly hard to get a hold of, until recently. More than a hundred unread notifications on my phone, 10 plans I missed, 4 birthday parties I’ve never been to, and around 3 angry friends. YEPP.

5. On Being the Most Reliable Person Ever

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Being kind goes a long way, but don’t let people treat you like shit.

Having a big heart and believing in big love. Where do I draw the line? Sometimes we try so hard to be good that we are not actually happy.

5. Why I’m Terrified to Let People In

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  • A part of me stays guarded, even in relationships.
  • People grow apart.
  • I try to find reasons why something won’t work instead of how it will work
  • Or maybe I’m in a rush to fall in love
  • I might even tell myself that I don’t actually deserve to be happy
  • To show you a weakness is to let you in on where I’m vulnerable
  • I’m not 19 anymore!!
  • Cool, cool

I’m afraid of losing before I’ve even lost anything at all. But nobody’s really afraid of losing anything. We’re actually scared to death of never having it in the first place. But as I see it, the closest way to feel connected to another person is to be open about your greatest fears and insecurities. He is going to smell differently from the one before. Embrace it! That scent will become home eventually and this scares me. But I’ll hold on to it.

“But you see, I didn’t want to be alone anymore, not because I was lonely, but because this incredible alternative miraculously materialized out of thin air.

If it feels too good to be true, it is – unless it isn’t.” – Ted Pillow

6. On Being Hypersensitive and Whatnot

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I took a scratch test earlier which suggests that I have an allergy to House Dust, more importantly, to DUST MITES. YUPP! So the doctor gave me three things: a list of House Dust Control Measures, my meds for the next month, and his card with emergency anti-allergy meds attached to the back. This is the first time I went to the ER without my parents, and it made me feel proud and horrified at the same time.

I moved out of the house recently and as much as I’m enjoying myself, the freedom is overwhelmingly scary. So here’s the question: What do you do when you have more time?

You get the idea. This article is for crazy me trying to quantify and qualify my life so far. 

Other than having to sweep and mop the floor, to buy my own food and to take out the trash, I’m stricken with terror that one day I’ll wake up and maybe ruin everything.

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What I’m trying to say is 23 has to be the most liberating age that has ever happened to me (yet) and I can’t wait to seize this opportunity to be a better me next year.

But if there’s one thing I learned while writing this, it would have to be:

“You are not the sum of what you aspire to, you are the sum of what you do each day.”

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